Not being interested in the bar scene, I’ve joined the masses of people trying to find someone online. It is an interesting endeavor to say the least. I’ve learned a lot and have had some unique experiences … here’s some that I’ll share (with no names!)

I’ve probably met about 10 or 12 guys for ‘first meetings’ … What this really means is that there is supposed to be no pressure … a short meeting basically to see if you can stand each other or if you think one another is attractive … no pressure in that at all!

First Meetings:
I’ve met a guy who was drunk and possibly stoned
a guy who had a voice like a cartoon
one who showed up in gym shorts and sneakers (no our date was not at the gym)
one was artsy and very interested in asking and listening to questions, but a bit A.D.D and couldn’t sit still
I even paid for beer and pool for a guy one night. Not that I think he should have to pay for mine, but I shouldn’t have to pay for his!!!!!
Oh yes and let’s not forget being blatantly hit on in some very interesting and not always appropriate ways!

Doesn’t this sound like fun? Needless to say, I didn’t go on date number 2 with any of the guys above. Who knows, maybe they thought I was pretentious or too business like … boring or cold … they can write their own blog if they wish … this one is mine! I guess I’m just saying, I’m not perfect either, but I don’t think my standards are too high.

How hard is it to dress decent, be sober, pay attention to your date and end the evening with a nice goodbye or a good friendly hug? Intelligent conversation is a bonus too!

I’m not asking for a lot … just a nice guy who is in a good place in life, has a career not just a job and is somewhat comfortable with who he is. Someone who flirts but doesn’t throw himself at me on the first date. I’m not looking for mr. perfect, but a guy with some manners would be nice …

Someone who doesn’t burp and fart in public.
Someone who doesn’t constantly remind me that they are getting old (which also reminds me that I am)
Someone who is interested enough to make themselves clean and presentable for a good first impression.

Don’t worry. I’ve had some nice experiences as well with some lovely gentleman who have opened doors for me, bought me drinks or supper, had wonderful conversations and ended evenings with a polite kiss on the cheek. Unfortunately either they haven’t kept my interest or I haven’t kept theirs for whatever reason.

30′s and dating …. enough said?

James Dewtie

This is my friend James Dewtie who is a singer / songwriter. You should go check his music out. Click on the picture to go to his page!

Don’t worry. I’m ok. I’m really happy and at a great place in my life … just missing that special someone to share it with.

Not sure who wrote this, but I posted it on facebook a year ago and I felt the need to go back to it today … It reminds me of why I’m not settling for just anyone … This guy is out there and I believe when he finds me, this will come naturally … And, I believe when I find him that I’ll want to do the same …

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, “…that’s her.” ~unknown

I don’t know when I started to find inspiration really … I suppose it was about a year ago when I started diligently working on the Young & Fearless – Inspiration of Cancer Survivors Art Show. I’m not sure if I really truly recognized inspiration before that. Sure, I understood the meaning of the word, but had I ever really had inspiration?

I found inspiration one day when I wasn’t expecting it. I met with two cancer survivors, Brenda McAloney and Nora Gross in pursuit of a photograph for a project called Cancer Connections. Nora had just had a mastectomy and had only been home for a few days. Brenda had hounded me (in a nice way) to get my butt in gear and meet with her and Nora. Then, Nora proclaimed herself ‘Titless in Dartmouth’ at 63 years old and I don’t think there was any turning back after that.

If a 63 year old woman could announce to the world that she was Titless … what could be more inspiring!?

After battling depression, dealing with the separation from my husband, moving life and business to a new city, I was in desperate need of some hope, some strength and some inspiration. I found it that day at Nora’s house and I left, determined to do something about it.

You see, Inspiration comes in many forms. For me, I think more than anything it was a realization that everyone fights their own battles and you make a choice to fight it positively and bravely or to cave and suffer. It didn’t happen all at once, but that day was the beginning of me making a new choice.

Inspiration for me that day came from the stories of hardship with health that both of these ladies had faced. It came with knowing that this project had come in to my life for a reason. It came with simply meeting two new lovely ladies who would become a much bigger part of my life than I expected.

Where does your inspiration come from? If you don’t know or you haven’t seen inspiration for awhile, buck up, get out there and find it! It might be where you least expect it.

A little over a year after meeting Nora and Brenda, I can honestly say that almost every day of my life is now touched by inspiration. As I continue my journey and work on the 2009 edition of Young & Fearless, I am inspired every single day to continue what I am doing because it helps me and it helps others. I am inspired by the words of wisdom, positivity, strength and power of the survivors who I have met.

Recently I was also inspired by this website: www.crazysexycancer.com. I took a quote from this site and passed it along in a message that was circulated to the facebook group Young and Fearless. the Quote was “Life is a terminal condition, so get going folks!” One of readers was inspired and immediately wrote a letter to the cancer survivor that this site is all about. If you find inspiration, pass it along … you never know who else is searching for their inspiration!

If you don’t know what you are inspired by, take a chance to let someone or something new in. Maybe it is just the change you needed to feel refreshed, renewed and inspired.

Being winter, we were plagued with bad weather. The first day I was scheduled to fly out, the flight ended up cancelled due to weather. The next day, when I did fly out I spent the whole flight from Fredericton to Toronto crying.

From Toronto to Calgary on the larger plane wasn’t so bad. We were also seated in first class (an added benefit when you are in a plane crash ??) The plane was large, so turbulence was rare and all went well with our landing in Calgary.

Due to impending weather in Edmonton and Grande Prairie, our flight from Calgary was delayed. On top of that, at this point I was panicking because of the bad weather and it took quite some time for them to convince me to get on the plane. Tim and I were the last people to board the plane. We were seated separately and had to scramble to switch seats to sit together. We barely got seated and we were taxing down the runway.

Once again, I spent most of the trip crying due to the stress of the day and the similar conditions to my plane crash (night time and bad weather). On landing I was hysterical and thought that it was happening all over again. In Edmonton I demanded to get off the plane and vowed I would go no further.

We spent New Year’s Eve in an Edmonton hotel in a snow storm, stressed, tired and confused on how we would get home to Grande Prairie.

The next day, in questionable weather, we climbed in a cab that drove us 4.5 hours back to Grande Prairie. I vowed I was never getting on a plane again.

I was stricken with dreams of planes, the smell of diesel fuel from idling trucks sent me back to the smell of the plane crash, I had trouble concentrating, was irritable and sleeping wasn’t easy.

When we decided to move back to Atlantic Canada a year and a half later, there was no choice … a trip by car across Canada it would be.

We ended up in Halifax, living, working and attending school. For the 10 years after the plane crash, my vacations were limited to Atlantic Canada. In 2006 we did make it on a vacation to Bermuda, but we went through a lot to get there. We drove to Boston in order to take a cruise ship to make it to Bermuda without having to fly.

Near the end of 2007, I made up my mind that I didn’t want to spend my life not seeing the rest of the world. I wanted desperately to go visit my best friend in Bermuda and so I did.

In July 2008, I had plans to visit Michelle in Bermuda. I had a few prescribed Ativan on hand, took a couple at the airport and was thrilled to only shed a few tears on take off – none on landing.

The flight back in to Halifax wasn’t quite so smooth, but pills helped me stay calm and I was so very proud and relieved to be on the ground in Halifax.

After surviving that trip to Bermuda, almost immediately a couple of my friends and I made plans to head to New York for my birthday in October. Another two flights came and went and I was even able to fly home without using pills.

A no fly zone that had lasted for 10 full years was now being put in the past.

Then the travel bug really hit me and I couldn’t get Costa Rica off my mind. I had been thinking about Costa Rica since my trip to Bermuda, but didn’t really feel the 8 hours of flying were feasible for me at that time. I thought about it for the next few months now knowing that it was attainable. Yup, I could fly again which meant I could see the world … go places I had never been and discover cultures of the world! Over Christmas I received a couple of emails with specials to Costa Rica. When January 2009 arrived, I couldn’t get it off my mind and finally, I found a friend to travel with, booked a trip to Costa Rica and made one of my dreams come true. It was a fantastic trip. I couldn’t have asked for any more!

Posts about Costa Rica coming soon.

Although this article is full of all of the technical information, the best way to describe it is a bad roller coaster ride. We had no idea of the impending crash before the wing tip hit the ground. I have no idea how fast we were traveling, but engines were at full speed as we went sliding and flying off the runway …

Air Canada Flight 646
Date Dec 16, 1997
Type Failed Landing
Site Fredericton, New Brunswick
Passengers 39
Crew 3
Injuries 35
Fatalities 0
Survivors 42
Aircraft type Canadair CL-600-2B19 (RJ100ER) Regional Jet
Operator Air Canada

Air Canada Flight 646 was a flight from Toronto’s Lester B. Pearson International Airport to Fredericton, New Brunswick, operated by Air Canada. On 16 Dec 1997, at 23:48 local time, the Canadair CRJ-100ER jet crashed after a failed go-around attempt in Fredericton. All passengers and crew survived, despite a 20 minute emergency response time and inadequate emergency training of the flight crew

The weather in Fredericton was difficult — reported weather gave 100 feet of vertical visibility and 1/8th of a mile in horizontal visibility. With the runway lights, the runway visibility was 1200 feet for landing on runway 15. At 200 feet above ground level the captain approved the landing and the first officer, who was the pilot flying, responded that he would land the plane. Once the first officer disengaged the autopilot the aircraft drifted off the centre line of the runway and as the plane approached 80 feet above ground level the first officer reduced the engine thrust to idle speed. The captain, knowing the plane was off center and unsure how much runway was left, ordered a go-around.

Immediately, the first officer advanced the thrust levers, selected go-around mode for his flight director, and the aircraft began to pitch up. Almost immediately thereafter, the stick-shaker activated. The aircraft continued to pitch up and soon went into a stall.

The aircraft banked sharply to the right until the wingtip contacted the runway, bending the wing upwards by four feet. Then the aircraft leveled off until the nose contacted the runway. This broke the right winglet, broke off the nose landing gear, destroyed the radome, and caused heavy damage to the underside of the aircraft. All electrical power except the emergency lighting was lost. At this time engines had reached full power and the aircraft was rolling on its main gear, off the right side of the runway, through the snow, until it hit a ditch that ran parallel to the runway. This sent the plane airborne, where it flew about 1000 feet, struck some trees, and finally came to rest. One large tree had entered the cabin through the main passenger door and cut a path in the fuselage through the first five rows of seats.

There was no fire on board the aircraft, no fatalities, and most on board were able to evacuate safely. Thirty-five were treated for injuries, ranging from cuts and bruises to broken bones.
[edit]Rescue

The CRJ aircraft was not equipped with an emergency locator transmitter, nor was one required. This, combined with the snow, fog, and darkness, hampered rescue efforts as the first responders did not arrive until 20 minutes after the incident. Passengers and crew also had no means of signalling rescuers to reveal their location. As well, the flight crew was unaware that pry-bars were part of the standard rescue gear aboard the aircraft. Thus they were unable to assist at least six individuals trapped inside the aircraft by the crash, until rescuers had arrived.

Investigation

The Transportation Safety Board probe listed 29 causes and contributing factors and an additional 16 aggravating factors in the crash and rescue performance, including the following:

Given the weather conditions, runway conditions, and first officer experience, the decision to allow the first officer to land the plane was questionable, though within policy.
The wings had accumulated ice, degrading their performance, and reducing the maximum angle of attack before stall.
The stick shaker worked as designed but the reduced wing performance reduced the warning time given by the stick shaker.
A go-around without impacting the ground would not have been possible at the altitude it was ordered due to weather conditions and wing performance.
The crew was not trained according to legal requirements in emergency procedures, including go-around, rescue and emergency exits.
Stall-recovery training did not account for the weather conditions at the time of the crash.
The published go-around procedure did not account for the time required for the engines spin up to sufficient thrust for go-around after idling.

Here are a few things that will make a girl feel like you care because I think I can speak for all women … if you stand someone up or are 2.5 hours late, first and foremost she’s going to feel like you don’t give a damn about her or her feelings. The most important thing to remember is that most girls want your time and your love … not your money, so don’t try to fix things by buying stuff … if you do buy something, it needs to be about the thought behind it, not how much it costs.

1. Acknowledge that you screwed up. Acknowledge how it made the other person feel and say the words ‘I’m sorry’. Don’t make excuses, just suck it up, take responsibility for your actions even if they weren’t all in your control.

2. HUG HER! Not a double pat hug. A nice cuddly I’m sorry hug.

3. Take care of her. Cook a meal. Clean the kitchen. Rub her feet. Drive an hour to see her instead of expecting her to come see you … Anything that shows an effort on your part.

4. Buy flowers – but only if she likes flowers, if you know her favorite type and ONLY IF you can write a meaningful card to go along with them! Flowers do not speak for you.

5. Go out of your way to do something that she wants to do. Cancel a night with the guys … turn the hockey game off … ask her what she’d like to do.

6. Call her back if she hangs up on you. OR, call her back after you’ve both finished the conversation to tell her you really mean it, that you really care or that you are really sorry.

7. Send her a nice text message or email to tell her you are thinking about her. (as easy as ‘I’m thinking about you’, ‘I miss you’ or ‘I’m sorry.’

8. Better than flowers – buy her something that you know means a lot to her. If she’s a fan of dance or theatre, get tickets to a show that she wants to see.

9. Appreciate her. Money can’t buy love or happiness. If you can show her that you truly appreciate her, your ‘I’m sorry’ might be accepted.

10. Give her a massage or run her a bubble bath if she likes them.

*** Don’t do the same stupid thing a second time!

Then, I went to university and forgot to be involved with ‘stuff’.

For the past 10 (or maybe more) years, I’ve been busy with life. It kind of got in the way … It is so different when you are paying to attend school, have to be responsible, pay the bills, make a living … All of those extra curricular activities got put aside.

So, two years ago I was feeling lost. I had no idea who I was, what I liked and what to do next. I had changed and lost myself along the way. My husband and I got separated and I now needed to find who I was or be buried alive (which is kind of what it felt like to have no passions and no likes). What kind of existence is it anyway if you have no idea what makes you tick … no idea what you like … no hobbies … no passions …

It has taken me a long time to really begin to understand who I am. And, I may or may not be the same person I was two years ago. Was I this same person, just in ‘hiding’, or maybe I’ve grown and blossomed into someone new in the past two years.

Regardless, I’m enjoying this me. The one that I have in front of me today. The one that I feel part of. The one that has passions and goals.

So, two years ago when I sat down to write a list of things I liked, I cried. I couldn’t do it. I could not think of things that I liked. No one told me I needed to do this, but I knew that I needed to do it for myself. I knew I needed to find something that I liked! Here’s my list that I kept:

What I like:
sitting in the park (ooooooo that’s adventurous! lol)
taking photos of people (part of my job)
travel (but at the time I couldn’t fly – see post coming soon about my crazy rollercoaster ride)
keep in touch with friends (these were friends who lived away)
Learning (but not anything in particular, just that I missed school and the learning atmosphere)
public speaking

What I didn’t like (I was good at this one!):
fishing, golf, sports on tv
video games
old movies
motorbikes / skidoos
building things
home renovations
painting / crafts
adventure sports (parasailing / sky diving)
cooking / baking
wrestling / UFC
cleaning
sleep in
nothing – yup, that’s right … I don’t like to do nothing
history / world issues

Now, two years later, I look back at my list and I see it very differently. Just today as I look at it, I’ve discovered that I was listing things I didn’t like, but many of them were things that my husband did like. He was further ahead than me, because he knew at least a few things that he enjoyed. I think I was trying to like the same things as him and was disappointed that I didn’t, rather than spending time trying to find what I really did like. Looking at this list now, I know that I still don’t like most of those things, but more importantly I have LOTS of things that I can add to the list of things I DO like.

Now I know that what makes me tick is being involved, leading and making a difference in people’s lives. I am doing this through my project called Young & Fearless – Inspiration of Cancer Survivors. This makes me tick … not just like a clock, but like a build up to a grande finale in the orchestra!

I know that I don’t just like, but I LOVE photographing people. I’ve discovered that I enjoy writing. That I am thankful everyday for some of the small things in life. I’ve discovered that I had creativity inside me that I didn’t know was there. A new found hobby of making jewelry came of all of this.

I am someone who sets goals and moves forward. Someone who is passionate about life and is positive, not cynical and negative. Someone who enjoys the company of friends. I’ve discovered that I am a giver. I take care of myself better when I also have someone else to take care of.

Here I am at 30 and I finally feel like I’ve found something that resembles the me that I want to be.

Silence is my friend.

I’m not sure when I came to discover my appreciation of silence, but I think it has been in the last year. I’ve always been the type of person to get up and work (from home) in silence. Yes, that’s right folks. I sit my ass in front of the TV all day, but I never turn it on. I have itunes on my laptop, but rarely remember to start it up. I’ve always worked in silence, but only in the last few months have I realized how much I enjoy it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love music. I love the sounds of all kinds of things in our world (like wind chimes and birds chirping … the crackling of a fire) . Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with all the busy-ness in our lives and I’ve come to enjoy the serenity in silence.

I love a good chat with friends. I love live music and concerts. I LOVE the sound of children’s laughter. I also love the sound of nothing. Nothing but my thoughts winding through my own mind. Peace and quiet in our busy, overloaded, over animated world.

Shhhhhhhhh … speak softly. I get tense when I hear yelling, don’t you?